Amazing Beans Recipe

Oh, and this is highly unorthodox, but I've got -- a complete lark, and it starts with a can of premade-baked-beans -- the most astonishing bean recipe.  I'm going to try it once more to verify, but:
--vegetarian
--maple, but a touch
--smoke.
--almost *harsh*, these beans are.
--best baked-beans I've ever had.
...and I made the bastids in the microwave in three minutes.
I'm making sure it wasn't a fluke, but I especially want you Brits -- come on, I know you guys be lovin' those baked beans -- to try this.  Its not sweet -- again, think harsh, rough, spicy but not through the use of capsaicin.

Screw it, these are John's Beans, but I'm gonna be a narcissist: I'll post the recipe once I hear from a single motherfucking person.  Sheesh, you've read my posts on worthless Facebook but you won't read what I've got to say, here?  I KEEL YOU!

(No, no, down, stupid-id!  I'll post it -- I just have to make sure I did the way I think I did, because this really is an amazing gestalt.)

(P.S.: These aren't John's Beans.  These are Beans a la Henry Perry.  If they're as delicious as...well, as they just were...then I'm dedicating them to someone who I believe would have liked them.  Stay Tuned.)

-JWD

John Irving, or rather, "Owen Meany", taken, er, meanly.

Here's an edit I scumbaggishly wrote...and thenSPOILERS-FOLLOW-SPOILERS-FOLLOW didn't have the balls to update.  It's about "A Prayer for Owen Meany", by John Irving.  I'll be honest: John Irving isn't my favorite writer.  I'll be even more honest by explaining why: I feel that he errs (minorly -- sheesh, the guy can write -- this is about content, not *skill* -- I assure you, John Irving is a very skilled writer) in two ways, and I'd be happy to hear why I'm off-base on this -- because I probably am.  And sorry about all the ellipses -- I don't know why it works so well with what I write, but it just does.  And no, that wasn't a further dig at Mr. Irving, or anyone else -- its just an Apology (in the half-assed, or non-assed sense that someone would do in Rome in 410 AD, roughly) for my HYPHEN-HYPHEN ellipses -- anyway, on with my edit:


At this point, three more characters are introduced  - John’s cousins Hester (a tomboy), Simon and Noah (both rough-housing older boys). Owen begs to be introduced, but embarrasses himself by accidentally urinating on Hester when startled during a game of hide-and-seek. Despite this (and despite Hester’s antagonistic nature) all is forgiven, and Owen and Hester begin to develop an unorthodox closeness. Although John himself grows to be incestuously attracted to Hester, he puts these feelings away (chalking them up to lust, and by extension his absent father) especially after Owen admits his own serious attraction to Hester.  Perhaps the denouement of this thread is when Hester makes crappy-1960s-spaghetti, and talks about Owen's huge penis -- at which point the reader finally starts rooting for the misfit-cum-stonecarver-cum-Christ-figure-cum-Vietnam-dude.


Two major events (both theatrical) then occur, shaping the narrative. The Gravesend Players, the local amateur acting group, put on a performance of [[A Christmas Carol]] while the boys' [[Episcopal Church in the United States of America|Episcopalian]] Church puts on a performance of [[The Nativity]]. Owen, with natural charisma, gets the parts of both baby [[Jesus]] and the [[Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come]].  The reader is told, in great detail, how powerful Owen's voice is..but that its also a sqwauk, and something of a baritone-pygmy-wail, but it makes everyone in the mean-spirited, shallow, Niewe-Englandt town exclaim, "My Gott, we must have this boy sent to the Vietnam War, for he is both so ugly, and so beautiful, and he can make a great noise unto the Reagan Administration, oops-too-late."


Shit, that's too mean to post.  Hence, a website: "I'm a better writer than John Irving -- but only in spurts, and I did enjoy some of his work, and yes, Harold Bloom is a whiney faggot."


I'm glad I didn't post that.  Oh, crap, and....(adding spoiler message, da da da da da da) done.  For starters, if John Irving ever reads this, I'm really, really sorry for being such a wiseass.  I hope you can take it as the weak joke it was.  That said, MORE-SPOILERS-MORE-SPOILERS it really kinda irritated me that the narrator -- John Wheelwright, I believe -- was losting his shit over Reagan's plays in the end-game of the Cold War.  Because: while I'm not a political sort, I felt that (hindsight-20-20-crap!) this was....well, yeah, its dickish of me to call this out as misbegotten (misuse) a decade-and-a-half (when I read Meany) later.  Honestly, I just have a question, or rather two:

#1: Did you believe, during the period that you were writing Meany, that Reagan was going to get us all killed?

#2: Were you ever one of those dudes who was so furious at the President that you made a political point of moving to another country?  I know *one* person who's done this (Paul!  Hit me up!), and while I disagree with his reasoning (well, his political reasoning -- he had some very beautiful land up in Canada, and I certainly don't want to imply that people of the free world -- and I do still see a difference -- but that people of the fre world shouldn't be able to move FREELY.  EXCEPT WE CAN'T.  And...well, I'm off-track.  But that's what this web-log is about, consarnit!

As always,
-JWD

Yah, gonna keep doing this.

Although I have nothing major to say today, I'd like to mention to my phantom readers that I do intend to continue this.  You see, I dropped the ball -- I've provided irregular updates at best.  If someone had, in fact, come to this blog early on, they may have been intrigued, and then....I let them down.

I apologize.

So even though I've got nothing life-changing to say (I prefer to post life-changing things, which probably makes me a narcissist, except that I'm not), I'll just leave with this:  I shall post daily, unless stricken by illness, knock wood.

Oh, and that reminds me: the whole goal here is to get this to be all web 2.0, users-create-content, that kinda thing.  Not because I hope to profit off of you, financially -- but because I really enjoy philosophizing, both in general, and while inebriated.  And I also like to hear others thoughts.

And also, you don't have to be stoned or a stoner to post something.  In fact, the "stoner" thing is more of a gag than a realistic angle -- but the only way I can think of to describe the kind of ideas and conversations that belong here is, "the kind of things people propose, discuss, and debate while stoned."


For those who feel left out (and there's nothing wrong with not puffing -- indeed, its to be admired, in its way, but we'll get into that later) -- here's how you can think like a stoner:  let your mind drawl.  Let it wander, if you can, and think about what things are, what they mean, how they're connected, and so on.  For example, what does it mean to be stopped at a red traffic light (beg pardon if this is too specific to Anglophone countries, but I believe the red light to be fairly universal) -- to be stopped at a red light, late at night, with nobody around?  Should you just go?  What do you believe about laws, in general?  Are laws meaningful because of something inherent, or simply because we're afraid of the consequences?  Would you murder someone if there was no law preventing it?  (I'd hope not!).  What about -- but I don't want to write MY answers, strictly, I want yours.

From this moment on, I shall do all I can to make this an active blog.  I'll put a daily reminder on my calendar (I really recommend keeping a digital calendar, by the way) to alert me to do this, every day.  And yeah, I'm going to tweak the look, here -- unless people truly like it.  I'm annoyed at how sloppily I did the logo, and most everything else.  I consider myself a very decent (ok, very good) computer artist.  I can do better than that.  I'd love to come up with a great logo for this blog, but all I've come up with so far is various (artistic as they may be), well, asses.  And I think that might be a bit over the top.  Or not?  Let me know.

That's all for now, I reckon.  I'm going to go drink a Four Loko.  Its ok -- I'm of age.  Granted, that doesn't excuse my hilarious choice of alcohol, but, then, uhh...for $2.50, its the equivilant of a bottle of wine (close, I've checked).  And it goes down smooth with....queso dip on white bread.

Indeed, life is full of contradictory things.  By day, I'm a butler -- by night, I'm writing about white bread, and white-bread.  (Get it?)

Oh, and one more thing: I'm going to start releasing some "open source" beats on here.  Any street poets out there who could use a little backing trackage?  I just got Beatmaker 2 for the iphone (scoff if you will -- this puppy looks to be sweet, and its predecessor taught me how to use the Akai sampler!).  Anyway, yah, freebies, musicwise.  Second freebie: if you have an idea for a logo or other piece of artwork, and need someone to do it, hell, just ask me.  I love doing logos, and -- believe it or not -- I know my shit.  One of these days, I'll do some tutorials or something -- on Blender.  And if I can teach you to use Blender, I can teach you how to operate a fighter jet.  Break!

Art, #001

--yeah, I drew it with a Wacom tablet.  That's why it says "pen".

Does "History" Ever Get Better?

...specifically, do primary sources ever appear?  Beyond archaeology (which we can presume to have an ever-slowing rate of acquisition, barring some astonishing new technology)?

I'm working from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Caesars

Kumbayah

I don't want to sound smug, or overbearing about it, but you know that song "Kumbayah"?  "Someone's singing, Lord, kumbayah...", and so forth?


"Kumbayah" isn't a West African term/phrase -- its just a rendering of an accented "Come by here".  I forget when I first learned this, but I was really surprised; its both obvious, but because of the context, and presentation (when we learned it in school, we'd always be told the word was not in English -- and also, the concept of a "creole" was probably too advanced for 7-year-olds, heh.)


When I think about the origins of "Kumbayah", I picture sort of Afro-Caribbean people sitting on a beach, somewhere tropical, and they...wait, this is where the imagery breaks up, because it doesn't square with reality.  Specifically: "Kumbayah" is pretty-much always played on a guitar, right?  Afro-Caribbeans of the 17th (let's say, for example) century didn't use guitars...in fact, the modern "Classical" guitar dates from the mid-19th century, I'm pretty sure.


What's my point?  That this is another blow against the perceived "authenticity" of the song, "Kumbayah". Because the song is always heard on an acoustic guitar (or, admittedly, other modern musical instruments), it seems unlikely that it is much older than the acoustic guitar.


Still a good song, that said, and whats authenticity?  Nuffin!


Wait, wait.  It's not a good song, come to think of it -- its trite!


Aww, screw it.  "Getdeefukout".

On the Merits of Mexican Soft Drinks

You know, I was thinking.  It's very rarely - if ever - mentioned, but the quality and variety of soda pop produced in Mexico is truly top-notch.  A typical brand that comes to mind is Jarritos; I have no idea whether this is well-known in Mexico proper, but here in Connecticut, every Latin-type grocery or restaurant carries their products.  I've never seen a cola (though I'd love to see their take on it), but I've seen about 15 different fruit flavors, and they're all delicious.  Especially the strawberry.  Why is strawberry pop so uncommon in America, that said?  You can sometimes find store-brand versions in large groceries, but thats pretty much it.  Strawberry (yes, even the fakey-type strawberry flavor that's used in soda) has got to be one of the most delicious - and beloved - of all sweet flavors.  Everyone loves strawberry.  So why so little strawberry soda pop?

My guess is twofold: first, colas and diet-colas really do hold a surprising lion's share of the soft-drink market in the US (and in most countries, although this can vary by nation-state -- the Scots, for example, love their Irn-Bru).  Large like, 90%.  Put it this way: you know how root beer is widely available and seems to be pretty popular?  Root beer sales amount to something like 3% of the market, compared to the aforementioned 90% for colas.  So, on the first point, it appears that its incredibly tough to make any sort of dent in the Cola Behemoth's market-share.

Second reason: branding, I suspect.  While its true that you can create a great brand-name for any possible product, I've never seen a strawberry soda that had one.  Try it as a marketing exercise: can YOU come up with a good strawberry pop brand-name?

I suggest...  "Fresh-Pikt".  Or...  "Straw-Burst".  Crap, thats infringing on the "Starburst" brand.

Maybe "Mah Berry"?  Nah, sounds like a possible mocking of accent.

Dammit!  It's tough!